Perhaps you don't follow what I'm talking about. I don't feel like being outright blunt right now, so I'm just gonna babble a bit more. Hmm... Something new and different, huh?
I just have had a lot of time to think... Mostly because of lack of a job, partly because I can't talk (without pain), partly because I can't chat due to ICQ being a bitch and not loading up on my computer again! But... the whole point is: I've had more than enough time to think.
Ryan has called me more frequently because of the lack of ICQ chatting, and we've got on some topics that have made me think afterwards. So, I've been thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and thinking some more. I don't know if I'm overplaying everything in my head, but sometimes it seems that way.
I've thought about what I want. In life, in the future, in anything. From the outcome of those thoughts that I know what I DON'T want. Sad, but true. I know that I don't want my life to stay in this same rut, but I don't know how to change it.
I thought I did. I thought if I just got a job, and then had some money, I could get a vehicle and socialize again. But then I would get so frustrated with the job market. I'm not going to flip burgers. I'm better than that. I know I am. I have to be. I can't survive on giving up my "morals". I promised myself a select few things in my life that I wasn't going to do, and fast food employment is one of those things.
So, overall, my plan to get out of this rut is still halted. And I am left wondering when I'm ever going to have things turn around. Hmm... that reminds me, I have some news!
I got a call back from Humana. I told myself (and my Palm Pilot) that I would call Humana if they hadn't called me by Wednesday (tomorrow). But they called, so I can tell you what they told me.
Jerry called me today. He just wanted to let me know that they still didn't have a date set for the next training session. I just kinda frowned. I know that's not the greatest news, but at least they called to make sure I knew what was going on.
Just means I'm going to have to continue job searching full-fledged again. This Humana thing would be nice... if it would ever come through. I'm not saying it's bad, it's just not getting me any money and freedom and debt-free and socially open and much much more.
That's all for now I guess. I haven't eaten in a really long time and that's all I can focus on now.
Carisa