It's hard to think that much time has passed, but it's also very easy. Let me explain:

Hard to think because:
She lived for such a short amount of time, under a year. And 10 days is short time too. She didn't have a lot of 10 days.

Easy to think because:
She was just a small pet. She was just an impulse buy. She was just someone you can only get so attached to, you know?

No matter what happens, death is not an easy thing. I have thought many times in the last ten days about my other girls' mortality. I hate to think about it, because I'd rather enjoy the time I have with them while they are still here. I hate to think which one is going to go first, or how I'm going to find out. But with death, it's a logical thought. I hate how these thoughts have plagued me these last ten days, but I would feel odd, heartless, cold, unhuman if I didn't have these thoughts.

So, more about the title topic. I miss Pikku. I miss how she would perk her head up if I said her name. How many other rodents can you say that about, let alone dwarf hamsters? I miss how she would run so frantically on her wheel and then just stop and swing back and forth while the momentum faded. I miss hearing her step inside her food bowl looking for something to stuff in her cheeks. I miss seeing her little cheeks all puffed out.

I didn't want to cry again today, but just thinking about how all these things are just memories and never going to be again, makes me sad. The tears have no shame though. They are well-placed.

Pikku was a special little girl, and I don't want to forget that just because she wasn't my favorite. Pikku was my miniature power-house. She was my healthiest little girl. She was so many things, but I don't want to drone on and on.

I have gone to Petco once since her death (and once on the day of her death). I noticed that the dwarf hamsters they had there were MUCH bigger than Pikku. They were not the same breed as Pikku was, so maybe that had something to do with it, but I'm not sure. She was so small, under an ounce. I saw these other dwarf hamsters, and they were twice Pikku's size! I knew Pikku was tiny, thus earning her name (pikku is Finnish for tiny). I just never knew how EXTREMELY appropriate her name was until just recently.

I guess I'm sad/upset with myself for not caring more, but I think about it and realize that she wasn't a HUGE part of my life, so it's okay. I cried today about her, so I thought I needed to write about her again. I just don't want this death/greiving to go undocumented. That is all for now.

Carisa

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