I was watching Animal Planet earlier today and I cried when a family had to put down their dog because it was such a rapid decline in health. It wasn't that the story hit that close to home, but that I have feelings (too many lately) that keep me from being normal.

So after I turned off the TV, I paused for a moment to realize what day it was. I got teary-eyed again. I know I shouldn't cry about his death, but rather celebrate his life, but I don't seem to be able to shake it. But I tried. Sadly, I realized that I can sort of remember what his fur felt like; partially see the freckles on his nose and in his mouth; fully remember his weight in my arms; but fail completely when it comes to his scent.

That was one thing that I never wanted to forget. My sense of smell is my greatest sense (most powerful would be a better way to say it, I guess) and I thought I would remember his forever. It's not like something that you can recreate. Once it's gone, it's gone forever. :-(

I hate to admit this, but I don't think about him everyday anymore. What has happened to me? Am I forgetting cherished things as well as all the schooling? I hate having depression. It is taking away my brain and replaced it with a lump of eternal sadness.

I better go before I upset myself any further. Besides, Maxine just strolled in the room. I have to deal with my semi-bipolar kitty now.

Carisa