Usually, the way I deal with these things again is just to cast them aside, knowing I can't do anything about it. This newest ripple of discontent in my brain is relationship related. Makes it more difficult if someone else is involved in the entire 'what to do'-'what not to do' situation.

This whole thing reminds me of my nude modeling. How I was going to be so mad at myself if I didn't do it. I would never have the chance again. I was so mad at myself when I was offered the first sitting and I didn't do it because a friend had died earlier that day. (Extreme circumstance, but I regretted it later). Luckily, the art teacher called me again and I gladly took the job. Not to say that I was lucky about that fact, but I think they really needed a model and she knew I was still interested.

So, back to the reason that I mentioned my modeling. I am at this stand-still with Ryan that makes me wish it could be resolved. It's not like either of us are budging on this topic, and a magic wand won't make it all better. It's not my own battle anymore.

Carisa