After feeling shitty about waking up SO late, I was relieved when I could move my back without pain. (I shoveled one foot of snow before I went to bed two nights ago). Knowing my day is almost over before it even started, it put a damper on my mood.
I have to stop this idle chatter and get to the real point of this entry. I checked my mail and got a letter from Schneider National.
The FUCKERS couldn't even have the decency to call me up and tell me that I wouldn't be "invited" for an in-person interview! What the Fuck?! I know people are rude this day and age, but CHRIST! Could they be colder?! I'm pissed because I know that the first three jobs I've applied to (and had interviews or psuedo-interviews) have all been for nothing! I'm determined that life is evil. It's out to get me and tell me to pay. But for what?! What the FUCK did I do that pissed life off so much?! Did I forget to say 'excuse me' when I belched or some stupid fucked up thing like that?! Jesus!
By the way, I don't care how I piss off. If you don't want to hear this sorta language or "blasphemy" then you shouldn't read this anymore. I'm pissed and I don't make excuses for it! Shit! What the hell? I don't know why I can't get a break! I just try to have one little moment of happiness in my life, and everything evil is out to get me! Again, I ask, what the FUCK did I do to piss everyone off?! I may not be an evil person right now, but it's looking like it's not a bad thing anymore. I should join their side and get it over with. I can't do anything right anyways. Why should I even try?!
Fuck! I'm hyperventilating! I can't stop... Why? Why can't I stop?! Dissy...
I'm back. I collapsed. I know this is not normal. I can't help it. I can't deal with all this failure. I finally start feeling good again and first my car goes. Then I am isolated, alone, stranded, left to do nothing with my life because I don't have money or any way of getting around. Then I shake that off and try to look on the supposed "bright side" and look where it got me. I have been rejected via letter by one company, another company has their training in the most opportune time, and the last company has a job freeze.
Oh joy! What can I look forward to now? Another 5 months of solitary misery? Boy, I can't wait!
Don't even waste your fingers in written me a letter to think "happy" thoughts. If I'm in a funk, nobody can reach me no matter how "important" they think they are to me. Just let me live in my misery and be happy that you're not me.
Carisa