I don't know what I want in my life (career-wise, I'm talking... this time). I wish I had some inkling to what it might be. Perhaps a nudge of something telling me that I'd like to do something as more than a hobby. I mean, I know I love cats. I've always loved cats, but I don't want to be a vet. I wouldn't have the emotional power to do my job. I wouldn't be able to put someone's companion down. That would just kill me. I wouldn't be happy as a vet. I wish I could only deal with making cats happy, but that's not a vet. I know that much. Besides, I wouldn't be able to go through vet school and deal with the cadavers! Eww... Creepy... Not for me.

So, I've been looking into different options. Trying to find out more about different areas to see if I'd like it or not. I've looked into ITT Tech, and a few correspondence schools. I don't think correspondence school would be good for me. Lack of motivation and all. So, I just wonder about ITT Tech. It's expensive, but everyone was super friendly and made it feel almost like a family, not a university.

I'm not even sure if I want to try something new. Maybe I should just finish my chem eng degree and make some money and then worry about things. I wouldn't have the financial burden that I have now. I would have a little more freedom to do what I wanted, I'm sure.

But how do I make that first step Back? I mean, how do I go back to school? I'll be so lost for awhile, so I know I can't just jump in and expect to finish it all in one year (because technically, that's all I have left). I just have to figure out how to take enough credits to be full time (so I get the financial aid) but not so much intense material that I'll have to drop out again. I hate myself for dropping out. And as more time goes on, it gets harder and harder to go back.

I just know that I have to do something. Decide something and stick to that decision. It'll be tough, but it's something that has to be done. I just wish I knew how to get it started.

These are things I've been thinking for quite some time now. I mean, it's been swimming in my head. Consuming me. Making me wish things were simpler. I just know I have to face reality and do something. Hmm... I guess that's all.

Wish me luck.
Carisa