Now, until the horizontal line, in the words of Sandy:

i think i've kept myself busy enough. i've been dealing with a lot of hurt in the past year. i have survived my favorite grandparent dying, my grandfather, my cat dying because of my irresponsible ex-roomie, my girlfriend cheating on me, my family refusing to talk to me, my good male friend breaking off our friendship by shunning me, and possibly worst of all, my ex-roommate raping me. i've somehow managed to pull through without doing anything drastic.

so now my situation stands a bit different. i am speaking with my family again (although rachel never left my side during this time). i have another cat (she doesn't replace mikey, but i wasn't looking for that exactly). i have been learning how to cope with grief of losing someone (either through death or heartbreak) with the help of my therapist. i have been placed on medications that are also helping me deal with this major set-back of a year.

i haven't contacted sam at all since that night (samantha, my ex-girlfriend). she was mad at me for getting so upset. she assumed i'd be okay with her taking home other girls because of us sharing men before. i still don't know why she would think it would be okay to go behind my back and lie about things to my face. if i could say one thing to her today, i'd tell her that i'm not sorry for breaking things off. i'm sorry it had to end that way, but i'm glad that i didn't stay with her and expect to change her.

my therapist is really proud of me. she thinks that it's good for me to have closure. even if i'm not actually able to talk to sam, it's good that i have things clear about the situation in my head. she says that even though i may never get a chance to 'end things properly' i may be able to smooth through them on my own.

as for the other parts of my life. i'm so happy that my parents are talking to me again. it was hard to constantly feel like everyone in my family hated me but rachel. rachel was there for me the entire time, supporting if nothing else. (she's still in school). i met my family again this christmas. my aunt and uncle were extremely happy to see me. my parents realized how much they missed me and they forgave me (not that i did anything wrong, they just perceived it that way). it was nice to hug family again.

on the topic of my ex-roommate, mike. he was mad when i left school, because he didn't have all the money he needed to cover rent. he was mad because he knew i had inherited all my grandfather's stocks, making me wealthy if i were to have cashed it all in. mike was mad about many things. he didn't mind making the trip to bring mikey to me. although when he brought a dead mikey instead a living one, mike was very apologetic and had emmense guilt. he consoled me and decided to stay with me as long as i needed him around. he knew that he wouldn't have to pay rent, but i didn't know that was his ultimate reason for staying so long.

one night, i was visibly upset, and mike was sitting with me. he listened to me talk as i cried on his shoulder. he made me feel better at the end of that talk. i don't know what made him think that it was okay to take advantage of me. maybe because i was vulnerable, i led him on. maybe many reasons. unfortunately, i let him stay with me longer because i blamed myself (much like all victims do afterwards). he ended up living with me for another month and a half before he found work elsewhere and i found the courage to tell him i didn't want him living with me anymore.

soon after that, i started going to counseling because of the guilt i was having. the trouble i was having dealing with life in general. i'm glad i made that choice because without it, i don't think i would be at the same point i am today. i've made major progress. enough, in fact, to go out and meet people again. to learn to trust people. it's nice to have someone i can talk to in the area. someone that can listen, someone that can help steer me in the correct direction to recover.

what more can i say? i suppose i can tell you that i have met a really great guy. we have become good friends. moreso, we've decided to date. we have been seeing each other on a monthly basis (or at least plan to continue the monthly trips). he lives in oregon, while i'm still here in wisconsin.

i guess i should mention one last thing. rachel. my best friend, my blood, my sister. without her in these tough times, i'm not sure what i would have done. i'm thankful that god blessed my parents with a second child and i'm glad that i have been able to become her friend. she's as much a part of my life as i am hers.

I figured Sandy needed to tell her update. It'd be more accurate then me telling it, afterall. So... there you have it.

Until tomorrow,
Carisa